Undefeatable

This week, I’m posting TWO movies, because Gary A. Brown is greedy.  The first movie is UNDEFEATABLE, a 1993 film made by the same guy who made Catman in Lethal Track.  Unlike Catman, though, Undefeatable is an entire, coherent film.  Coherent in that it contains one set of characters who interact with each other, and a story that doesn’t confuse itself.

Did you see that?  I shouldn’t even have to sell you on this movie.  Undefeatable is everything great about a “good bad movie.”  Cynthia Rothrock (the real life inspiration for Sonya Blade) must avenge the death of her sister at the hands of a crazy eyed, curly mulleted, martial artist serial rapist named Stingray.

The script is great, the dialog is great, the delivery is great.  The fight scenes are ridiculous (though unfortunately the actual movie doesn’t feature animated sword sparks).  The ending is entirely fantastic.  I would rank this one up there with Samurai Cop and Miami Connection.  It’s worth having in your collection.  Buy it on Amazon and watch it several times.

Hercules Against Karate

Mr. Hercules and his Chinese Sumo friend
Yeah, why not.

Hercules Against Karate is also known as Mr. Hercules against Karate, or in Italian, Schiaffoni e karate. Mysteriously, there’s no trailer for it on Youtube. Useless!  This film is an action “comedy” by Antonio Margheriti, starring a bunch of people you’ve never heard of.  It works as a comedy, but for largely the wrong reasons.  Its attempts at slapstick are beyond ham-handed, the dubbing is as good as dubbing should be, and the protagonists are unlikeable.  No one in the movie is named Hercules.  The Hercules character is named Percy.  Maybe his last name is Hercules?  He’s strong and dumb, and he ends up going to China with his friend because they get hired by a Chinese guy to go get his wife back from an evil Kung Fu master.

Kung Fu Samurai Man
Eyeliner Samurai teaches Chinese henchman how to Kung Fu.

In China, characters have authentic Chinese names, like Skoo Yoo and Hung Lo.  The latter is the evil Kung Fu master.  He trains his henchmen in Kung Fu by having an eyeliner-wearing Samurai not teach them Kung Fu at all.  You may infer that the movie is racist.

Mr. Hercules Against Football
Mr. Hercules Against Football

This one may not be worth owning, and it may not be for everyone, but I think it’s worth watching because it’s entirely dumb.  Dumb for a lot of the right reasons, though.  And it ends with poop jokes.

Get it on Amazon.

Catman in Lethal Track

Catman in Lethal Track, or U.S. Catman: Letal Track, is a movie about an American who gets cat powers after getting scratched by a science cat.  Cat powers include super strength, the ability to turn electronics on and off with his mind, and laser vision (supernatual power via radioactive cat).  This sounds awesome, but unfortunately it isn’t.  Catman is an example of a bad movie that’s just bad.  Or, more accurately, it’s partially an example of a BAD bad movie, and partially a GOOD bad movie.

The problem lies with Godfrey Ho, the film’s director.  He’s a bit like Ed Wood in that his films are low budget, and incorporate unrelated material to create a final product, essentially ruining Lethal Track.  Catman’s involvement in the movie makes up less than 30 minutes of the run time, and the rest of the movie has nothing to do with him.  He doesn’t even meet with the protagonists of the parallel (and boring) storyline that takes up the remaining 60 or so minutes.  On top of that, Catman’s story is given to us in segments- you can’t just watch Catman be Catman, then eject the disc and burn it, you’re forced to endure the unrelated chase and fight scenes, none of which are really worth watching.

Fortunately, someone took the time to compile Catman’s scenes into a few Youtube videos, the first of which is posted above.  These are worth watching, avoid everything else.  There’s a sequel, Catman in Boxer’s Blow, but I haven’t bothered looking into it yet.

You can actually get it on Amazon.

Skyscraper

For a while, I’ve been meaning to compile a list of “bad movies.”  I watch a lot of them, I’m in love with many, and it’s not always easy to round up a sensible collection through the internet- many lists claiming to contain bad movies were composed by people who have no idea what a “bad movie” is, or they are made up of actual BAD MOVIES, which aren’t fun to watch.  This is by no means a comprehensive list, but a personal journey, a record of movies I have watched that others may enjoy for their various, say, “eccentricities.”

Obviously, there are known classics, like Birdemic, The Room, Troll 2, and Showgirls, but there are many many more that I have had to find through luck or through chance recommendation that are worth seeing, and in some cases, worth having in personal collections.  I won’t start at the beginning of my list, but with a movie I watched last night:



These are the “extended outtakes,” and they’re not much different from the movie itself.  You can currently find the entire movie on Youtube.  Unfortunately, it seems like the filmmakers tried to reduce the amount of time Anna Nicole Smith actually appears on camera (and speaks), but it was thankfully impossible to cut her entirely from the movie.  Skyscraper features Anna Nicole as a helicopter pilot/”action” hero, sort of like a Home Movies version of Die Hard.  You get a guy who’s either German or French, a villain who quotes Shakespeare, and some really big, kind of gross looking boobs.  Is it worth having in your collection?  Maybe not, but if you’re into this sort of thing, you should definitely watch it at least once.

 

(originally published Jul-14-2013)