Catwoman - Bad CG
Seriously, this may as well be a screenshot from the movie.

If you spend any amount of time enjoying bad movies, you’ve probably seen Catwoman.  Basically, some people took the Catwoman stuff from Batman Returns and combined it with The Crow to make total garbage.  They also sort of borrow Clayface from the Batman universe, but not in any meaningful way.  Plus she’s Sharon Stone.  It is often critically acclaimed as one of the worst movies ever made, lists I think overlook a LOT of movies, but Catwoman is definitely a general-public’s bad movie.  The movie won four Razzies, and Halle Berry called it “a piece of shit, god-awful movie.”

Catwoman - Cartoon Cat
I would accept this if it were from The Polar Express.

Berry plays Patience Phillips, a mousey nobody who works for an evil cosmetics company.  When she finds out her boss is evil, her evil boss kills her… but then a cartoon cat brings her back to life.  Now Patience has cat powers!  She can run on walls, and she really likes to eat fish and drink milk (just like a cat!), and she can land on her feet and use a whip really well.  Just like cats do.  She also has to work “purrs” into words… you know, like “That was puuurrrrrfect,” but Berry does such an abysmal job of delivering these purrs convincingly, you have to wonder if she could hear herself speaking at all (ha-ha).  It turns out there is an ancient magical Egyptian cat that brings people back so they can get revenge, and luckily, a crazy lady with a lot of books can tell you all about it.  Google can also really help you find out why you have magic cat powers after dying.

Catwoman - Sexy Catalingus
You don’t seem familiar to me AT ALL.

As usual, no one can figure out that Patience, who is now no longer mousey, who now acts like a cat, and who looks and sounds exactly like Catwoman, actually IS Catwoman.  Not even her police detective boyfriend (Benjamin Bratt) who is handling the Catwoman investigation. Coupled with all of this nonsense is some incredibly terrible CG.  The CG in Catwoman makes Veggie Tales look like Jurassic Park.  It is awful.  Look at the cat pictured above!  Really look at it.  This wouldn’t even be acceptable in a Garfield movie.

Catwoman Veggie Park
From the Criterion Collection.

I have watched this movie 3 or 4 times, so it’s safe to say it’s at least worth watching once.

Get it on Amazon.

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