Condor

Condor Chris Proctor
Ray Wise as CONDOR

Who knew that a movie starring Ray Wise could suck?  Well, here it is, the made-for-TV Condor.  This is not a promising way to start a movie write-up, but I am not going to sugarcoat it for you.  To be fair, I guess, this is not a theatrical film, it is essentially the lengthy pilot episode of a TV show that never happened.  It has all of the pilot episode tropes you could hope for.

Condor Arm Wrestling
Proctor’s solution to everything: Arm Wrestle

Wise plays Chris Proctor, who lives in the futuristic future Los Angeles, 1999.  1999 as 1986 saw it… so, you have cars that drive themselves, ’80s clothes, jet packs, car phones, droids…  You can even call a fast food place ahead of time and place an order, so your food is ready when you get there (?).  Proctor is a grumpy guy who works for an organization called Condor (because “there just aren’t that many of us old birds left.”).  He is grumpy because his partner just died.  We don’t know how, exactly, nor do we ever know what his partner’s name was.  So, you can imagine how angry Proctor gets when his boss reveals his new partner… and she’s a WOMAN!

Condor James Avery
James Avery is Cas the Computer Guy. He’s not a computer.

She’s not just a woman, though, her name is LISA!  And also she’s a robot.  At least, they say she’s a robot.  Well, grumpy old Proctor doesn’t like this one bit, so he challenges the robo-lady to an arm wrestling match to decide whether or not he actually has to partner up with her.  After being humiliated by a woman/robot, Proctor goes into detective mode, dressed in future clothes, to find out what his arch-nemesis, the Black Widow is up to.  She escaped prison using a jet-pack during the overly long opening scene of the movie.  Her plan revolves around using the sewers to hijack drones and blow up the city.

Condor Jail Break
Future Robo Prison Guards

The least you need to know:

  • Condor is a ridiculous vision of the remarkably ’80s-inspired future
  • Proctor keeps almost falling in love with Lisa
  • Proctor hates dames and tries to dominate them by arm wrestling
  • Computer hacking!
  • This movie overestimates Google’s development timeline

Should you watch this one?  Eh, it’s fairly milquetoast.  I don’t regret watching it, but it may bore people with a lower tolerance for this sort of thing.

Get it on Amazon.

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