In the early 90’s, it became really, really apparent that we needed a movie featuring Vanilla Ice. He had already conquered the music world, and Hollywood was the next logical step. In Cool as Ice, Vanilla Ice plays Johnny Van Owen, a rebel motorcycling rappist who travels from town to town to set right what once went wrong. After nearly killing a girl on horseback who, for reasons unknown, gets angry about nearly dying, Johnny decides he can never leave this town until that girl belongs to him. Her name is Kathy Winslow, but you’ll probably never care enough to really remember her name. Also, he has motorcycle friends/band mates, and one of their bikes breaks down, so they’re all stuck in this town, anyway.
Kathy has a little brother, the only person smart enough to recognize just how cool Johnny actually is. Johnny can rap, fight, and sneak into your room to put ice in your mouth while you sleep- all things that girls love. While Johnny is pitching woo at Kathy, his friends are living across the street with an insane mechanic and his insane mechanic wife. The movie makes sense in some ways, and makes no sense in others, creating a pretty good synthesis of the two. It’s a little on the lighthearted side, but I think it’s worth watching, and I wouldn’t mind having it in my collection. I’ve already seen it a few times at the point, and I would watch it again right now if I weren’t writing this review-type thing you’re reading. There’s also a Rifftrax version, available both as the commentary track AND video on demand.
Cool As Ice features just about everything you could expect it to: fights, kidnappings, criminals, misunderstandings, understandings, wicked bike jumps, great dialog, cool clothes, motorcycles, awesome dance moves, true love and rapping. David Kellogg, the movie’s director, disowned this one. That’s usually a good sign. Plus, the director of photography later did the cinematography for Schindler’s List, Saving Private Ryan and Lincoln, so you know it looks really, really nice. If you check IMDB, this movie has a low score, but if you look on Amazon, it has more 5 star reviews than 1-4 star reviews, combined. People know quality when they see it.