Deadly Prey

Deadly Prey Short Shorts
Like it or not, you’re going to be spending a lot of time with these shorts.

Deadly Prey is basically the Best Choice brand equivalent of a Rambo movie. Mike Danton, a mulleted badass Vietnam vet, gets kidnapped while taking out the trash. Stripped of everything but his tiny shorts and remarkable skill set, he’s forced to survive THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME. But what his captors never expected was that Danton is THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME.

Deadly Prey Danton's Head
Mike Danton’s head is deadly than most whole people.

Mike Danton survives by apparently building a huge fortress in the foliage, which he uses to get around, and take people out when they’re not looking at this giant plant fortress. While hunting his captors, Danton reconnects with Jack Cooper, a former ‘Nam buddy who probably owes Danton his life. Cooper’s been out here hunting humans with his safari buddies, but now that he’s reunited with Danton, he doesn’t agree with any of this, and becomes Danton’s ally.

Deadly Prey Danton Cuddle
Not a bad way to start the morning.

When mincing villain Colonel Hogan gets put in place by the guy dumb enough to finance an illegal manhunter training survival camp, who starts getting impatient because Hogan’s men are incredibly lame, Hogan sends in his main man, Lieutenant Thornton, to put a stop to the manhuntee turned manhunter, leading up to what may be one of my all-time favorite endings to any movie ever. The last 10 minutes are fantastic. I want to spoil it for you, but I’ll resist. Watch the movie. It’s only 88 minutes.

Deadly Prey Cut Off Arm
Danton cuts you so fast, you won’t have time to bleed.

Hogan also kidnaps Danton’s wife, Jaimy, using her as leverage, I guess, who cares. Her retired police detective dad is on the case! Jaimy factors prominently into the ending, so her participation is crucial. This movie is full of ridiculousness. Highly trained soldiers walk into the most basic traps, enemies squeak when stabbed, Danton’s naked torso seems immune to shrapnel and bullets while he near-nakedly fights tanks and helicopters, and a bizarre song choice plays over the credits. Made in 1986 (released in 1987), it’s taken nearly 30 years, but apparently a sequel is currently in production. I can’t even imagine. Don’t think too much about that right now, though, just bask in the greatness of Deadly Prey, available in its entirety on Youtube:

This one belongs in my collection.  You can buy it on Amazon.

Deadly Prey Mike Danton
Yep, I’m still Mike Danton.

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