Metalstorm: the Destruction of Jared-Syn

Metalstorm Hero Dogen
THIS guy is your protagonist.

Metalstorm is brought to you by the same guy who brought us Puppet Master.  It’s not much like Puppet Master, though.  It’s maybe like The Road Warrior with sorcery and some high-tech stuff.  Or maybe it’s like a really, really reduced Wild Arms.  If you took the first Wild Arms, and diluted it a LOT, you’d get this movie.  It’s got a little bit of everything in it- there’s skybikes, magic crystals, a cyborg, Richard Moll, swords, and a guy who’s reluctant to help Dogen, but then helps Dogen.

Metalstorm Dogen is not a wiener
And he’s not a wiener, he’s really cool.

Made in 1983, Metalstorm follows a space ranger named Dogen, who is trying to destroy Jared-Syn.  Jared-Syn is some type of intergalactic techno-sorcerer on a crappy, boring planet who leads a group of thugs called the “One Eyes.”  They are called the One Eyes because they each gouge out one of their own eyes so they can be more like cyclopes.  Cyclopes is the plural form of cyclops.  Syn’s second in command is the leader of the mutants from Heavy Metal that Taarna had to kill.  The One Eyes also have red crystals that eat your life force, so don’t let them touch you.

Metalstorm Cyclops Moll
They poke their own eyes out so they can be Cyclopes.

You can get a feel for this movie by watching just about any other early 80’s movie.  Think Star Wars, Tron, The Road Warrior, Tron,  The Dungeonmaster… Dogen finds the mask of the Toa of Light, and it sends him on a drug trip to visit a burning tree that moans and bleeds.  Most interesting of all is that the title lies, and Jared-Syn never gets destructed.  In fact, he escapes in the end.  I don’t know.  Metalstorm veers toward being boring, but it has enough going for it to maybe watch one time.  I probably wouldn’t sit through it more than that.

Metalstorm Laser
The movie was originally in 3-D can you imagine how cool this looked?

Get it on Amazon.

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